6 Reasons Why It’s Really Awkward Staying in Touch
And how to make it less awkward
I met with my first boss 8 years after I worked for him. He happened to visit the city where I was living on holidays. He told me something that I never forgot.
He said that “if you stay out of sight, you’ll be out of mind” and that I should stay in touch with him. He shared how another ex-employee contacted him at least once every year and how he really liked it. I had not contacted him once in those 8 years.
If you want others to remember you then stay in touch. Relationships require being present with certain frequency.
I did a poor job in staying connected with friends, bosses, work colleagues, and mentors even though I knew the importance of nurturing my past contacts. I felt awkward, I feared rejection and appearing needy.
Staying in touch with former colleagues is a form of networking. Instead of growing your circle you focus on keeping it.
Staying in touch shows you care. How does a good friend show she/he cares about you? By remembering you, wanting to know what is happening in your life, and finding ways to support you. Caring is being present and showing interest in someone. You also show you care by offering connections, articles, and opportunities that may be useful to them.
It also keeps you informed about them. People’s lives change at a rocket’s speed. They may move to another city or country, start a family, change jobs and careers several times. Many of those changes may be on their social media profiles. However, other changes such as passion projects, hobbies, travels, and family issues may not be in their social media.
Finally, it keeps you in their mind. If you are on their mind, they will remember you when they are in your town and when they see an opportunity that can help you. You can also access them more easily if you need help or advice.
Here are 6 thoughts that may be holding you back from keeping touch with people and a better way to think about them.
I do not have valuable content to share
People are not expecting you to share valuable information with them every time you contact them. People enjoy connection, appreciation, and being remembered. It is a lot more powerful to be present during status quo than to show up only when you want something.
Connect on a holiday, on their birthday, or when you hear news about them. Ask them how they are doing or how a project they are working on is going. Stay up to date with their life and goals. Congratulate them on a new job, wedding or milestone achieved. Thank them for something they did for you in the past. You can even reach out to ask for advice.
I am not successful enough and don’t have major accomplishments to share
People are not interested in you. People are interested in themselves. Your primary goal is not to show off all your incredible accomplishments even though you can share your wins. Your primary goal is to connect.
Make it about them by asking questions about their work, family, and projects. Give a brief update on what is going on in your life, not only your major accomplishments. Share a new job status, a move to another city, updates on marriage or kids, recent travel, and hobbies.
It’s been too long and I don’t have good justification
It is never too late and you don’t need to justify. Remember that they were not in touch either. They may be even happier to hear from you if they have not heard from you for a while. It is unlikely they will ask you ‘why did you contact me?’
If for whatever reason they ask you why you got in touch, just say that you thought of them and wanted to say hi.
They will not respond because they don’t care about me
What happens if they do not answer? You will not reconnect. But if you do not get in touch then you will not reconnect either. Therefore, you have nothing to lose. Do not give up after one or two tries. Remember that people get a substantial number of messages every day and are likely to miss many of them. Remember that their life can be busy at times and that spam folders can hide your message.
Try to reach out 3 times. If you do not hear back after 3 attempts, then let it go. You did not lose anything, and you still have your dignity.
They will think I want something from them
Even if you are more junior to them, they can also benefit from the connection. Many people enjoy helping others and seeing those who they worked with grow.
Do not just contact people when you want something. Get in touch as soon as you are out of touch.
They will think I am stalking them
Thinking about someone shows you care about them.
Be in touch every few months and then decide how often you will be in touch based on how they respond.
The elegant thing to do is to stay connected. It is much better to be in touch than not to. You cannot control how others respond so do not focus on it. Get out of the shadows and proudly present yourself to your esteemed network. Get in touch and stay in touch, and you will be surprised with the positivity you will find.
