Does Assertiveness Make You Less Kind?

5 Way Assertiveness Will Make You Much Kinder

Many people think that assertiveness makes them selfish and rude jerks.

Contrary to popular belief, assertiveness does not limit how much kindness, generosity, and compassion you give out.

In fact, it enhances it. Assertiveness makes you a better person.

Here are 5 reasons why being more assertive actually makes you kinder.

You are happier.

When you are more assertive, you become less bitter, frustrated, and resentful of others. You are clear on what matters to you and are able to achieve the things you want in life. This makes you feel more confident, fulfilled, and happy.

You also make fewer assumptions about people. You appreciate people and what they bring into your life and the world. You feel more connected to others, and therefore you feel less solitary in your pursuits.

Have you been around happy people? Their genuine smiles and happiness are contagious. They also give more, share more, and treat others with more kindness and compassion.

You are more present with others.

With assertiveness, you become open and present in the moment instead of ruminating over the past and worrying about what people think of you.

You are able to focus on the conversation you are having rather than getting stuck in your own head. You become a better listener and you are more empathetic. You share more compliments and you show you caremore often.

You think more highly of people.

Assertiveness teaches you to not judge, not blame, and not be condescending. When you don’t judge others, you feel less judged by others.

One of the main lessons in assertiveness is to not assume why someone does what they do, what they expect of you, and if they know what you expect of them. In other words, to give the benefit of doubt and to proactively ask clarifying questions. That way you can see the person past your differences and better notice their humanity.

This is crucial to reduce prejudice, discrimination, preconceived ideas, stereotypes, and subconscious biases. Therefore, it supports diversity and inclusion efforts.

Another big lesson in assertiveness for effective communication is to better connect with people by acknowledging what they say, feel, and the struggles they are going through.

All of this makes you enjoy people more and be able to see the positive in their character. That way, you’ll unconsciously treat them with more kindness, dignity, and respect.

You use your assertiveness to be of greater service to others.

We are not solitary individuals. Humans are communal beings. We thrive in groups supporting each other to grow.

Assertiveness helps you be a better advocate for others because you can better connect and defend their desires or needs. Assertive communication also makes you a much better leader for others.

Not only that, when you are recognized, get support to move ahead faster, and achieve what you want, you become more successful.

And that success can be used to be of more service to others, to make greater contribution in your community, and to have a bigger impact. It also helps to bring more opportunities and happiness to your family. Why would you not want that?

You communicate in a more honest and useful way.

When you communicate in a more authentic, honest, and useful way, you become more coherent and consistent. This is especially important in conflict situations.

The result is that people trust you more which improves relationships over time. When you are not assertive, you hide your real thoughts or emotions. Or you express them with disregard for other people’s situation and feelings.

You also learn how to speak in a thoughtful way that is helpful to others. You don’t avoid hard conversations just because they may cause some hurt, if they can help the other person or have a long-term positive effect. But you share those negative messages in a gentle and empowering way.

Assertiveness increases your kindness and humanity in direct and subtle ways. It gives you the power to truly listen, connect, be present, and meaningfully support others.

Develop your assertiveness now.

Learn the fundamentals of assertiveness in 30 min with this quick complimentary training here.

Ivna Curi is the founder of, empowering professionals at work. Don’t give up on your dream career until you learn this: