How To Cope When Feeling Like You Are Being Judged

Ivna Curi-Speak Your Mind Unapologetically PODCAST

5 min readDec 22, 2020

Key takeaways

You can’t stop others from judging you, but you can stop it at the door and prevent it from causing worry, rumination, and frustration. Don’t let it reduce your self-confidence.
Random people will always have random judgements of you. Judgement reveals more about the person judging than the person being judged. So don’t let it ruin your day or increase your stress.
People do a poor job judging others because they have limited information about you, your intention, your context and they have biases based on their beliefs, experiences, and feelings.
Judgement always feels like a threat, but almost always isn’t.
Not all opinion others have of you will serve you. Not all judgement of you are equal. Choose what you’ll listen to wisely. Assess who, what, and when judgement matters.
When judgement matters, open for dialogue, ask for their honest opinion, for specific examples, and for suggestions.
Do you feel uncomfortable when judged by others? Do you feel like people judge you unfairly?

When I Learned Not All Judgement Serves You

When I was 10 years old, there was a classmate, Elvis, who led a movement to intimidate me. He went out of his way to spread rumors and even create a song about me cheating after I refused to take part in sharing answers during the exams.

I always took pride in being honest and ethical, so these fake rumors bothered me immensely. I started to avoid everyone at school. During the breaks, I’d hide, but they’d manage to find me. I’d imagine responses I’d give to Elvis, but I would struggle quietly.

After 3 years quietly agonizing from the judgement from Elvis and other people he influenced, he finally left the school and I never saw him again.

Until 15 years later when I had a powerful reencounter and even more powerful realization.

I travelled home for the holidays and went to visit the gym my parents were going to. I couldn’t believe it when I saw Elvis there. We chatted briefly and in a civilized manner.

In that moment I saw him, a rush of anger came back to me fueled by all the memories I had from his bullying. Then, that anger became pity. Then, I realized that in those 15 years since I had moved on and I felt incredibly proud of who I had become.

How could I allow that guy, who I never had any admiration for, to control my well-being for 3 years. In that moment, I overcame those toxic frustrations and felt an intense liberation.

In that moment I realized how it made no sense to let random people’s judgement of me ruin my happiness. Not all judgement serves you.

How To Not Take Judgement Too Seriously

You can’t stop others from judging you, but you can police it. Judgement reveals more about the person judging than the person being judged. Don’t let it ruin your day.

People do a poor job judging others because they have limited information and have biases.

Judgement always feels like a threat, but usually isn’t. Not all judgement is equal. Assess who, what, and when judgement matters.

Here are 12 questions to help you find out when to not take judgment seriously.

1. Will their judgement matter 3 years from now?

2. Can their judgement cause you any real harm?

3. Does the judgement have any significant meaning for you?

4. Are they judging you or is it in your imagination?

5. Do you admire and respect them?

6. Are they well intentioned?

7. Are they knowledgeable enough?

8. Do they understand your perspective?

9. Do you agree with their expectation of you?

10. Do you want feedback on that topic now?

11. Is the way they are delivering judgment serving you?

12. What does someone that you admire and respect think of you?

When judgement matters, engage in dialogue, ask for honest opinion, specific examples, and suggestions. That way, you’ll free yourself for any Elvis in your life.